|Hot dog, I will always love you.|
I persevered and chose a healthier stress-food option with half the calories, which was a hot dog, Fritos and a Tab.
Half is half.
I don't do this often. But I do it when I need to, and I don't feel bad about it until I see a catastrophic headline in my newsfeed which says something like, "Why you still eat the foods that are killing you RIGHT NOW."
It brings me to the first of this month's Pet Peeves, which is clickbait, a thing that can break your happy, and even make you anxious if you are careless.
1. Clickbait. Whether it's a tragic headline or a "Why people don't like you," survey, clickbait, meant to generate advertiser revenue, is only after your eyes. Likely, it will lead you to a story you don't need to read, and probably shouldn't because, like an accident scene, it will only make you sorry you looked. Clickbait is a guy in the alley with a trench coat saying, "Pssst, look. Here's why you aren't married yet."
And, as any hot dog fan knows, it doesn't make you want a hot dog less to read that they're killing you RIGHT NOW, it just makes you enjoy it less after you go and make yourself one.
2. Self-imposed, yes, but this one is rabbit holes, or, looking up kind of interesting things while you avoid work that you're not in the mood for. Like Fritos are a good idea before you eat them, some things you want to know are only interesting before you know them.
This week, I learned that:3. The near over-use of the term "sweet spot." I know we like bringing sports terms into the vernacular, but I liked it when "sweet spot" meant "the point or area on a bat, club, or racket at which it makes most effective contact with the ball," and wasn't the new way to refer to achieving balance.
- Harrison Ford is twenty-two years older than his wife, Calista Flockhart.
- Cats like running water because they don't trust non-moving water because they know you don't change it in a timely fashion.
- Introverted people aren't unhappy people. I already knew that, but I did not know that they include: Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks and Steve Spielberg.
- Hotdogs are not as bad for you as everyone thinks they are.
4. The current over-use of the term "spot-on." Did England ever really say we could use that?
5. Vitalyrulesgoogle.com, the Trump blog hacker from Russia. If you have a blog, know about this. If not, skip to Reader Peeves, below.
From his slimy little hacker site in Russia Vitaly Popov uses bots that hit, but don't actually view your blog. It is enough to register the hit as a visitor however, and because it happens over and over again, it keeps raising visitor stats, making you believe that your mother was right about your little stories, because look at those 900 people who have come by just since Sunday!
Eventually your inner realist says, "I don't know about this. Look a little further," and when you do, you see that reptile-Vitaly's site has been referring the fake visitors. When you click on it, because you're a real person, it does open his page which says this: TRUMP! YOU DID IT!
6. From Reader Gina, the expression "love-on," as in loving-on your kids, spouse, cat, friends. I agree, Gina. It just makes me think of people who hug too hard.
7. From Reader Jan: people who leave shopping carts wherever they feel like it, often in the middle of a space, requiring you to leave your car and roll it out of the way, or, make a game of outsmarting the carriage by edging into the space without making contact.
8. From Reader Larry: people in expedited, VIP or priority lines who arrive at the head of the line, hand their drink to someone and stark frisking themselves, looking for the I.D. they knew they'd have to present since, well, before that moment.
You'll notice people like this never, ever glance at people behind them, which is good because I've seen those faces and they aren't friendly.
9. Last but not least, from Reader Mark, a peeve over the issue of cashiers who can't actually make change.
I'm going to allow this guest peeve, but I'm a little in both worlds here. I agree that there are some basic transactions we should understand without having to consult a machine. On the other hand, my first job was cashiering and it took an uncomfortably long time to understand change-making. I think I cried.
And, the moment I did learn, a cranky asshat came in and gave me something like $5.02 for a $3.42 bill, and said to my panicked expression, something like, "I'm out of singles and I don't want pennies."
Some of you out there know exactly how I felt, and what I said which was, "Oh, okay," before I did the math in my head and then went home to practice the crap out of change-making.
And that concludes Pet Peeves #9. I'm probably not the only one who would like a hot dog and some Fritos now, but I'm not nearly anxious enough for that.
See how that works? Stay happy, stay healthy.