Every once in a while

Where I am

Every once in a while, I feel extraordinary attunement with the moment I'm in, which is also known as the present. 

In that moment, I know I am 

taking care of the people I love,

doing what I must to remain centered,

reaching out when someone else needs help.

I know I can

counsel myself away from a regrettable comment,

walk away from drama,

forgive,

forget.

I know I have

done my part,

pulled my weight,

shown my love.

Emptied the trash.

Bought ice cream for my husband.

I know now

that originality is more important than popularity, 

that the way to change behavior is to imagine how you'll remember it when you're older,

that I  have taken the right things from my mistakes,

and have started to forget the rest.

Every once in a while, I don't think about improving

or excelling,

or being read or seen or heard,

or noticed at all.

I don't dwell on times I've been in pain because in persevering, I've become a person I once didn't think I could be.

I don't look back,  

I don't look ahead,

I just look.

Every once in a while, in that still moment of the present, I realize,

I am not what I once wanted to be,

but what I am supposed to be.

I don't have what I once wanted,

but what I've always needed.

I don't hope for things to go well

but realize that things go the way they will,

and that "well" is up to your view of them.

Every once in a while, I feel really comfortable and I realize... 

It's not a mood,

It's not a good night's sleep,

It's not that I'm behaving,

It's not that I got good news or found money.

I feel really comfortable because I understand,

I'm not looking anymore, 

I'm here.

I'm remembering it. 

Because right now,

up or down, 

I'm where I'm supposed to be,

before I go anywhere else.