Sunday, June 4, 2017

Every once in a while

Where I am


Every once in a while, I feel extraordinary attunement with the moment I'm in, which is also known as the present. 

In that moment, I know I am 
taking care of the people I love,
doing what I must to remain centered,
reaching out when someone else needs help.

I know I can
counsel myself away from a regrettable comment,
walk away from drama,
forgive,
forget.

I know I have
done my part,
pulled my weight,
shown my love.

Emptied the trash.
Bought ice cream for my husband.

I know now
that originality is more important than popularity, 
that the way to change behavior is to imagine how you'll remember it when you're older,
that I  have taken the right things from my mistakes,
and have started to forget the rest.

Every once in a while, I don't think about improving
or excelling,
or being read or seen or heard,
or noticed at all.

I don't dwell on times I've been in pain because in persevering, I've become a person I once didn't think I could be.

I don't look back,  
I don't look ahead,
I just look.

Every once in a while, in that still moment of the present, I realize,
I am not what I once wanted to be,
but what I am supposed to be.

I don't have what I once wanted,
but what I've always needed.

I don't hope for things to go well
but realize that things go the way they will,
and that "well" is up to your view of them.

Every once in a while, I feel really comfortable and I realize... 
It's not a mood,
It's not a good night's sleep,
It's not that I'm behaving,
It's not that I got good news or found money.

I feel really comfortable because I understand,
I'm not looking anymore, 
I'm here.

I'm remembering it. 
Because right now,
up or down, 
I'm where I'm supposed to be,
before I go anywhere else.




14 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you Haralee, the moment is a good place to be in.

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  2. I need to share this, it's just wonderful. Thank you!

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    Replies
    1. You're welcome and thank you for sharing!!

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  3. I need this tattooed down my leg.

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  4. This was awesome! I try to just be in the moment but most times I fail miserably...I must try harder....

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  5. It's harder than we think, isn't it?

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  6. Wonderful! So how did you get there? :)

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    1. Thank you, Evelyn! I've always had a busy head, and journaling every morning before the sun rises helps clear my mind. When I herd my distractions and loose ends to the page, I can start the day more peacefully. That's when I tend to see all the things I've been walking past, and can forget the rest.

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  7. That's beautiful Susan - and such a difficult thing to do - to stop all the noise in your head and just "be" and let that be enough. I struggle with it a lot - my brain seems to always want to be jumping ahead - but when that moment happens it is lovely.

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    1. Hi Leanne, I think we get trained into "future" thinking when we're very young, and have to train ourselves out of it later when we have time and perspective on our side. I see memes all the time that urge us to "live for now," or "be in the present," but I've come to understand that it's not a switch you hit, it's a mindful practice. Some days are too demanding, you're right. But most for me now, are opportunities to appreciate "now" for what it is, and "before" for how it brought me here.

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  8. Simply beautiful. These lines struck me: "...that the way to change behavior is to imagine how you'll remember it when you're older,
    that I have taken the right things from my mistakes,
    and have started to forget the rest." So much wisdom in this poem. Thank you for writing it!

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    1. Roxanne, thank you. The future look-back thing has probably saved some of my relationships. And mistakes...they hurt sometimes but of course, you can't do a lot of things right until you do them wrong.

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